some minutes of memory

sometimes I disgusted of sex, why those people always talk about it as they are talking about something extraordinary ?! the sex is just instinct and it's doesn't worth all this talk ! I say enough, there are a lot of things worth our meditation and philosophy, the people who claim to be free see that the sex is a first thing must be a detached, as if the sex wasn't detaches someday ! the reactionaries are afraid the sex as if it's some ghost, and at the same time they are obsessed with it... hey people! the sex is a natural thing no more, sometimes you can fuck, sometimes I can fuck, sometimes all we can get the fuck, but not everyday, the life is so short, we must do everything sometimes if we want to do everything!

this is some scribble:

some minutes of memory,

I want body, I want love...

and in this street, I want more of burning rain

I want perfume, I want Oud 

I want courtyard where the white storks have meeting around its fountain

from the depths of my heart, I can say sorry !

and when the time is sunset,I want to see a dove

holds my words toward my princess's cloud...

this feeling fills me with love and longing 

that narrow long alley, that the old windows spread in its edges 

and the stairs of houses too

I climb up this stair, and get off of that, I continue to play...

like any angel was flying...

the sister and me, we were racing, and hiding among hedges

sometimes we were eating our cookies,

other times we were mimicking the sound of coo

we were brawling with each other,

then we were forgetting and going far away

we didn't tire, the memory still filling me with peace 

that alley was telling us about new house news 

that we will see in it some people like dews 

that we will eat in it some candy like the moon's face

that we will play between its walls the hidden game 

and some sweet melody flowing between the doors

it was stealing our minutes 

the night has come quickly holds the stars flame

it was holding us on the stories wing 

my grandmother was making us forget all the boors 

with her stories, I still hear them such as ring

and we sleep a long time until the morning 

away from the bustle of facts...

I dig in the memory graves, I find myself among the ally

I burned the stages, when I was looking for that sects

now I'm looking in its folds for harlot body

who can burn my ribs slowly

actually who can dives between my ribs and my affects 

for some time, I spat on me

before that I recover my trust

this is the life, like playing, like sex, like smoking

don't put many questions 

don't thing

you must be looking for another pleasure minute 

between the minutes... 

the solution to boredom

I know the life be bored sometimes, for this we find some people talk in a sleepy way... and they watch the life from darkness angle. me too, the major reason for this it's the psychological case of the person, this case comes from the family and the street, in general from the general environment, the environment in our countries is so terrible. the rights is lost, you can't fuck easily, you can't cut your hair as you like, you can't dress the clothes that you prefer, you can't drink the beer in the street, you can't be an atheist between these people, the atheist is a consort of the evil, infidelity,... and many things else.

for all these you can't feel that you are alive, so you kill your time, you become interested in bullshits, you don't find anything important to do, and finally you feel bored...

isn't that a bad fuckin' life ? I know it is... so what the solution ? there are a lot of solutions you can do, the first is reading, just read anything you find, read the philosophy books, porno books, yellow press, any shit it doesn't matter, the main idea is read... then you will find your mind is begin to grow, with days you will be another person, the person who can understand the life what its problems, the solutions for these problems. and with reading you would be better if you register the new informations, for me I try to do so at every opportunity, all that it can help you to exit of this hell.

the life worth living, these words from some friend and for me too, I hope that he can read them, anyway I will to tell him all these words when I see him. goodnight everybody.

Do RI Mi

such as the flow of the wind

or the flow of the music

I didn't distinguish the rhythm 

like the bubble when it travels away

like the twitter of two birds over some brook 

like the camp days

the rhythm was a informer about another death 

a wretch and bibber stood up in front of the death foretold court for pleading in respect of a fate nation

the rhythm was creeping quietly between the streams 

it sprinkles a cold on lava heart

it converses with a sense full of childhood

the arteries of memories detained this sense for years

the departure be a sweet when the pain pulls my neck

the departure be a sweet through the breezes in a strut

and a womanly fondness

and another death announces a life

letter to my mother

I'm sorry mom, I didn't mean to explode in your face. but I tired of everything even myself. of the presence of me in this shake situation. of my father continued provocations; who refuses any attempt I do it in order to configure myself. I'm tired of loneliness where I live. I'm tired of this goodness that brought me a lot of problems. I'm tired of the repeated mistakes that contributed this mood that I live.

remember well the only thing that prevents me from committing suicide it's that you and small children that I love them so much. I'm tired of everything, I hate this city and everything related to it. I hate the people, I hate myself, and the way of my father that he created me, I hate this way that made us apart, opposites... in everything. I can't get close to him nor was he able to win me, then he wins a honor helpful son be his right arm and his crown like he says.

why didn't I die until now despite the many disappointments ? hey dear mom you are the reason for my insisting to life. I inspire my patience from your patience. and I don't want it loses in vain. but; I need a little love and help; I need to push forward I'm alone unable to move I can't make something to myself and yours.

hey dear mom the life tougher than you think. and the wolves permanent roaming in our streets, the people have lost their solidarity. and the simples become like a stray gazelles here and there. they are looking for a lifeline. and their selfish clutching themselves made them dropped in the traps, and roasted by backburner, the life is more curse than you imagine, and this lord who you think are the savior and helper aggravated the situation more, and he didn't prove his goodness nor was he able a good like you and your maternity. this god won't help me and he won't solve loop from my problems. and the death-suicide is better than I sit a corner of the angles and I'm waiting for the release and divine hope ! which will never come ? the DH doesn't come from its own and the sky isn't raining gold.

the life is damn, and love when it settles in a fragile heart become malignant cancer. I couldn't tell you my story with her because I wasn't stand on a solid ground will allow me to disclose, our story of the year accumulated a lot of events and memories good and bad... how mush I loved her and how mush her love burrowed my ribs until I became I want to grab this damn heart maybe the weight of love weakens and maybe I can come back until my previous days... but noway noway! I endured for the sake of love a lot of harm, insult, and whirlwinds. I've become the human and the angel every time, that he rushes for toward forgiveness the sin and  subsidy, I gift her the love, the time, and the money; I gift her everything and I made myself a hostage in her hands; she couldn't rises until my world, she couldn't understand this love that I was raining her by it, but she has managed to kill me to tear my heart and to bring me back until Zero.

the words ends quickly and they can't  accommodates this massive sleeve of bullshit, sickness, disgust, weariness, and the heavy sadness that it chokes my breaths. where to escape from all this ? to who I resort ? to the silent god ? or friend day who maybe will become tomorrow enemy ? to the tardy sister ? or you mom ? or I shut my mouth and sear my lung by this cheap cigarettes ? even I finish like any mean sleeps over sidewalk ? is this life ? so what the difference between it and the death ?   

the headache of accounts !!!

I looked very stupid this morning, accounts, accounts, fuck these accounts !! I looked a stupid because it's a second time when I committed a mistake in the accounts... and the girl that is working in our shop corrected this mistake for the second time. bad position!

the big problem for me is : this mistake happened in a something unsavory, it comes to recharge cards, for this I fucked myself... sometimes I become a jackass, fuck

the life is so sick

I stop writing my notes maybe because the boredom, I want nothing now, maybe just going to sleep, maybe I don't know, pff the life is so sick, all things die in the evening, just me and that strange music, that it's coming from the past depths, how much I interact with their, a music made me bigger all these years...

anybody knows how I feel now? I feel ill tonight, the hurt come from my belly, I hate this feeling fuck! I hate to feel this, it's like the fire when it get out from the mouth of the volcano, with the pus and the pain, I don't know any shit about that ? and I always ask myself what the fuck is going on ? I hate this feeling so much it's make me remember the end...

whatever I resist that foul feeling, I imagine it like a vile man and I kill him one million time everyday, like he do with me, I fuck him every time, after that I sear him... I won't surrender to him, but he will... the jackass doesn't know that I'm Phoenix, I'm immortal like God and Devil and Death... after those fuck the world !!

the living death

why my mood is bad now? because I didn't find anything can help me for to get out of this case ! my father didn't make me a good man for that hard cases, for this I can't do many things alone... like the shit, I'm a loser family owner ! I'm a stupid alive, but I'm not the reason! it's daddy!! that fuckin' jerk, who made me like this... he taught me the failure since the childhood, now; I'm cold like the death, I can't move activity, in my depths I hate the god of the life !!! this hatred is black like the scary night, Chopin helps, smoking too... fucking the times also, taste the pain, it's make you feel it sweet, sweet because you want to chastise yourself for its weakness.

nothing just black white !!

that white black faces, that arrival faces from the darkness, from the past... one look at them make me swim in a vast worlds, I feel the life travels through a different seasons. I feel the fragrant of history lives into myself. I say all the stories passes between my eyes... since the dawn of life until now. the white parts means the life, the happiness, the innocence... the other parts means the death, the sadness, the evil. this is the life every time, and thus is will. without change.

hey life how much you are strange... awful, you scare me, but I like you too... I can't leave you, because I'm your son, you bring me here, it's not me, I didn't choose you, but there is one question: why you leave the death take me ? or because you now there is another life there ? why you remain a silent ?

ain't that a crazy ? let's return to the original topic, it's called nothing, maybe its name everything. what's the most things in our life !

my situation is bad, so bad, no one can feel me... just me I can, I'm the man who lives without tomorrow, without plans, but he lives with nothing, with many lies, many tricks, with many shit...

I'm not exaggerating ! the case is a tragic. at least to me ! for this I can't blame the people who commit suicide ! although I don't have courage for do that... otherwise I would have committed suicide !!  

Tomorrow will be like the shit !! 

my first painting, in my gloomy evening

I will start drawing by an alphabet of water

I erase the stars and I put my rare tiers at their place... it's rare like the rarity of Wild Viola in snow white

My tiers raining pure, raining... like the rain, like the greats moaning 

Like my nostalgia to the winter's warmth

I erase the stars... the lights no longer dazzle me, and I make myself an extension to this night

Ambiguity is surrounding the silence... the poor hustle is in the silence... it's soaring... and soaring again...

The thick walls grabs the hustle, that the brilliant lord raised them, in order not To see the gloom... 

In order the gloom not to spoil his dinner...

Hey warmth !

My only saint ! my paradise lost...

I looked for you in all hearts, but I didn't find you, just a mosaic piece

or a painting surreal, unknown parameters and names

Hey faithful friend ! show me an address, a guides, a map, show me the innocence and the innocents 

Hug me to yours, and lower your wings to me,  who said the innocence is a right to children only ? 

I wish I was a child flying in an oil painting, around Virgin Mary...

I wish the Virgin helps me with  a real word, a mother's slap, that will restore the maturity to me...

And my childhood, and my friend

You, Oh warmth ! my heart became a corrosive coffin, contains...

Nothing; just the pieces

My wooden hands, my pale looks towards the sky,...

They are looking for a hidden thing between that swimming clouds...

It's you, the beauty  linked to you, it's the pink dictionary in the poets world ...

I feel weak, I feel yearning for you, even if I look sober in my steps,...

strict in my alphabets, lofty in my pride...

I often feel polar cold breaking my bones...

And is flaming myself by an eternal heartburn.

I'm waiting for you impatiently, pleas; don't disappoint me.

If the earth won't link us

I really hope the sky will.