letter to my mother

I'm sorry mom, I didn't mean to explode in your face. but I tired of everything even myself. of the presence of me in this shake situation. of my father continued provocations; who refuses any attempt I do it in order to configure myself. I'm tired of loneliness where I live. I'm tired of this goodness that brought me a lot of problems. I'm tired of the repeated mistakes that contributed this mood that I live.

remember well the only thing that prevents me from committing suicide it's that you and small children that I love them so much. I'm tired of everything, I hate this city and everything related to it. I hate the people, I hate myself, and the way of my father that he created me, I hate this way that made us apart, opposites... in everything. I can't get close to him nor was he able to win me, then he wins a honor helpful son be his right arm and his crown like he says.

why didn't I die until now despite the many disappointments ? hey dear mom you are the reason for my insisting to life. I inspire my patience from your patience. and I don't want it loses in vain. but; I need a little love and help; I need to push forward I'm alone unable to move I can't make something to myself and yours.

hey dear mom the life tougher than you think. and the wolves permanent roaming in our streets, the people have lost their solidarity. and the simples become like a stray gazelles here and there. they are looking for a lifeline. and their selfish clutching themselves made them dropped in the traps, and roasted by backburner, the life is more curse than you imagine, and this lord who you think are the savior and helper aggravated the situation more, and he didn't prove his goodness nor was he able a good like you and your maternity. this god won't help me and he won't solve loop from my problems. and the death-suicide is better than I sit a corner of the angles and I'm waiting for the release and divine hope ! which will never come ? the DH doesn't come from its own and the sky isn't raining gold.

the life is damn, and love when it settles in a fragile heart become malignant cancer. I couldn't tell you my story with her because I wasn't stand on a solid ground will allow me to disclose, our story of the year accumulated a lot of events and memories good and bad... how mush I loved her and how mush her love burrowed my ribs until I became I want to grab this damn heart maybe the weight of love weakens and maybe I can come back until my previous days... but noway noway! I endured for the sake of love a lot of harm, insult, and whirlwinds. I've become the human and the angel every time, that he rushes for toward forgiveness the sin and  subsidy, I gift her the love, the time, and the money; I gift her everything and I made myself a hostage in her hands; she couldn't rises until my world, she couldn't understand this love that I was raining her by it, but she has managed to kill me to tear my heart and to bring me back until Zero.

the words ends quickly and they can't  accommodates this massive sleeve of bullshit, sickness, disgust, weariness, and the heavy sadness that it chokes my breaths. where to escape from all this ? to who I resort ? to the silent god ? or friend day who maybe will become tomorrow enemy ? to the tardy sister ? or you mom ? or I shut my mouth and sear my lung by this cheap cigarettes ? even I finish like any mean sleeps over sidewalk ? is this life ? so what the difference between it and the death ?